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recoup
Forum Newbie


Registered: 11/02/05
Posts: 10
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 04:18 AM CST

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse...


There's 2 fish in a tank. One of them says "You drive this thing, I'll shoot the rockets."


A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
Komrade K
Forum Full Member


Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 927
Location: Whitstable, Kent England
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 07:07 AM CST

Another one which probably works best for Brits:

What did the slug say to the snail?

Big Issue!
jgurner
Forum Full Member


Registered: 05/20/04
Posts: 1951
Location: The Valley, Mississippi USofA
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 09:38 AM CST

Three penguins are standing in a bathtub. The first one turns to the second one and says "Hey, man. Hand me the soap."

The second penguin turns back and says "What do I look like, a typewriter..."
ragurner
Forum Junior


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 34
Location: N/A
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 09:52 AM CST

A duck walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a tube of Chapstick, please?" The pharmacist hands him the lip balm, and the duck begins to walk away, when the pharmacist asks, "Hey, aren't you going to pay for that?" The duck says, "Put it on my bill..."

A dog walks into a Wild West saloon and shouts, "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my Paw..."

A piece of string walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." So the string goes back outside, teases his hair and balls him self up into a twisted mess. The string goes back inside and says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string?" and the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."


"Keep an open mind, but not so open your brain falls out."
screaming.org
Forum Full Member


Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 519
Location: N/A
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 10:02 AM CST

Quote by: jgurner
Three penguins are standing in a bathtub. The first one turns to the second one and says "Hey, man. Hand me the soap."

The second penguin turns back and says "What do I look like, a typewriter..."



Question
jgurner
Forum Full Member


Registered: 05/20/04
Posts: 1951
Location: The Valley, Mississippi USofA
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 11:00 AM CST

Quote by: screaming.org
Quote by: jgurner
Three penguins are standing in a bathtub. The first one turns to the second one and says "Hey, man. Hand me the soap."

The second penguin turns back and says "What do I look like, a typewriter..."



Question



I heard it years ago, can't remember where, but it just struck me as being so weird that it was funny. Maybe it's just me. Big Grin
screaming.org
Forum Full Member


Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 519
Location: N/A
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 11:17 AM CST

(Phew!) That's the only thing I could come up with...like the surrealists/lightbulb joke without either.

It reminds me of when my boys were at the age where they almost knew the proper form of knock-knock jokes. They would go back-and-forth like this:

A: knock-knock...
B: who's there's?
A: (insert some random non-sequitur here)
A & B together: (unrestrained laughter)

...then they would switch places and do it again...up to 20 minutes or more. Ah, the memories.
Einarus
Forum Full Member


Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 229
Location: Álftanes, Iceland
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 11:18 AM CST

Quote by: jgurner
Three penguins are standing in a bathtub. The first one turns to the second one and says "Hey, man. Hand me the soap."

The second penguin turns back and says "What do I look like, a typewriter..."


Which reminds me...

Two pigs sat on a branch in a supermarket and were knitting strawberries. Then a vacuum cleaner flies by and one of the pigs goes "whaa?" - "Don't worry" said the other " he must have a nest nearby."
Wonderful stuff, no?

-Einar Sv.
Epileptic Gibbon
Forum Full Member


Registered: 11/30/04
Posts: 1298
Location: Cheltenham, England
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 12:26 PM CST

Child to mother: Mummy, I'm missing Daddy.
Mother to child: Shut up and keep firing!


I was watching TV the other day and there was an orchestra on. I was bugged because there was an uneven balance of instruments. First off there were about ten saxophones. And in the string section there were no violas or cellos, & not even a double bass. I reached the conclusion that there is too much sax and violins on TV.

Check out my music podcast
 
ChrisSly
Forum Full Member


Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 259
Location: NYC, Baby!
 
Re:Bad Jokes - Clean Only
Tuesday, November 29 2005 @ 12:37 PM CST

An avid admirer of puns entered a contest to come up with the worst (best?) posible puns. He came up with ten, figuring the odds were good that at least one of them would win.

But, alas, no pun in ten did.

sometimes more feet than shoes.