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FLAWED (redux)


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Description
So, I took the advice of my respected fellow MacJammers, and also, just to make things interesting, today, I purchased a set of bongos, and my first electric guitar, It's bitchin! So I set out to redo this song today, and it's still rough, so please bear with me as I figure this all out. The vocals are sketchy right now, and I don't think I have all the guitars tuned properly. This is getting technical! I also changed the order of the lyrics a little bit.

Anyway, thanks in advance to all who may listen and comment and give suggestions as to how I can improve this song. I think it's worth the extra work. Do you?

Thanks again,
Stacey K. Black
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Lyrics
FLAWED
Stacey K. Black

she stares into the mirror for a long time
cataloging every feature into assets or flaws
when she decides flaw well she just paints it away
when she decides asset then she can get through one more day

she tries to hide her pain behind a mountain
a mountain made of nameless faceless wastes of time
one by one by one they disappoint her
and even one more day of breath won't help her learn

breathe easy on your way up
breathe easy cause we'll all fall
breath easy on your way down
breathe easy cause we're all flawed

he thinks his own happiness lies elsewhere
he looks into every outstretched hand offered
and ultimately those hands come up empty
if he'd look into his own he might finally see

breathe easy on your way up
breathe easy cause we'll all fall
breath easy on your way down
breathe easy cause we're all flawed


Song Stats
Hits: 2647
Comments: 15
Fans: 14
Plays: 62
Downloads: 92
Votes: 7
Uploaded: Apr 10, 2008 - 10:38:55 PM
Last Updated: Apr 10, 2008 - 10:38:55 PM Last Played: Jan 28, 2017 - 05:43:17 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
Mac PowerBook G4, Lambda Lexicon interface, audiotechnica condenser mic, takamine electric acoustic guitar, epiphone electric guitar, toca bongos, and a glass of chardonnay.
Software:
Comments
Mystified said 3450 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
all flawed...
Indeed...i've identified with that notion for what seems AGES, now!

I really like this song--i love the way you've interpreted it vocally. Gorgeous!

I can't really critique anything here. I just know I really enjoyed listening :)

thank you for posting and sharing this here at MJs!
Check out my latest song called Child of Yesterday
Feter said 3450 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
FLAWED
Just Incredible singing ...great great setting
if insteruments you put to back up your singing !!
thnx alot for sharin such wonderfull gem !!
Check out my latest song called Roll with it
screamalexz said 3450 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
....
i'll have to listen to the other one again to see what was changed. it still sounds beautiful to me. bongos are always fun. i ought to get some. if there are flaws in the recording the passion and quality of the song hides them.
Check out my latest song called Broken Spirit
stacey said 3450 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Thanks so much
for your kind words!
Check out my latest song called tick tock
J.A.Stewart said 3450 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Electrifying!
hehehe. Oh... it's only an electric/acoustic... pfft.

This definitely has more power.

BTW... Black Jack Daniels is hardware. Chardonnay is software. ;)


--- Joe
Check out my latest song called Crankenhurst Challenge - Verse 1-7 (Inst. Break)
stacey said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
No Joe!
One electric acoustic, and one electric slashin' rippin' squealin' geeter. Of course, when I play it, it sounds like a piano. I gotta get to shreddin'!

Thanks man!
Check out my latest song called tick tock
J.A.Stewart said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Ooo...
Now I see... an Eppy.

Soon you'll be wearing a leather pantsuit and doin' the splits. ;)


--- Joe
Check out my latest song called Crankenhurst Challenge - Verse 1-7 (Inst. Break)
renecalvo said 3450 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
lovely
engaging lyrics. beautifully sung.
Check out my latest song called Mumbo Jumbo
composerclark said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Wow!
Wow! I love the emotion in this! The lyrics are very original and very good. And your singing is just wonderful, and very powerful. What a talent!
Check out my latest song called A Little Song About Our Mom
dajama said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Very cool
Love your singing - great vocal performance on this. I love the high harmony and the contrast between the verse and chorus. The lyrics are very good, with great images and clever lines ("nameless faceless wastes of time" - great line...) and I think the recording sounds very good. The guitar sounds are very nice - lovely acoustic sound. Very cool song, and terrific performance. Nicely done. Kudos. Peace.
Check out my latest song called Across the Wire (MJRF)
MarkHolbrook said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Ok... well...
Wow... You just go out and get and ax and bongos and whip them into this!? Wow...

It's really extremely good!
Check out my latest song called Corn Whiskey
stacey said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
Thanks!
I really appreciate your comments!
Check out my latest song called tick tock
Alannah said 3449 days ago (April 11th, 2008)
I luvved this ...
.. the first time I heard it ... and now I luv it even more .... those HARMONIES kill me ! This one is definitely going on my very elite FAV list .... why you aren't makin a bjillion bucks by now still floors me girl ! I would much rather wake up to this playing on my clock radio than what usually wakes me up any day !
Check out my latest song called Sleep (w JScott and Alannah)
Ed Hannifin said 3449 days ago (April 12th, 2008)
You're doing a lot right, Stacey...
The song remains strong, and I really do believe that THAT is the most important thing. The song is strong, and it's worth as much work and time and attention as you can give it...

Things I like: I definitely hear the two different guitars, left and right, and I think it sounds great. I like the way you start the guitar intro and give a little pause before launching in, and use pauses throughout the song. That gives the thing real breathing space, and busts it out of feeling like it was played to a click track; it sounds like we're hearing it played live.

Your vocals are terrific, both the lead and the harmony.

Continued suggestions for tweaking (since I sense that you're still working on this) are:

When the extra guitars and bongoes and things come in, at least over headphones, it seems as if the vocals are less present. Experiment with a dB or two less of the new instruments, or a dB or two more of the vocals.

Collect some opinions on the bongoes. I like the IDEA of them, but am unsure if they are quite right.

Are you mic'ing the acoustic guitar? It sounds a little bright to me. I'd experiment with mic placement to get a little more wood in there without getting boomy. The electric will give you some sparkle around the edges. The acoustic SOUNDS like you're going from the pickup.

I might suggest a couple possible pieces of gear to check out. One is no longer made, but I see used ones in music stores and on eBay: the Yamaha MagicStomp Acoustic. It can add life to an acoustic pickup, if you are going direct. Similarly, the Fishman Aura pedals, if well matched to your guitar, might do something similar.

I think this song would love a well played bass. I hear a little bass line in there, but I think it's coming from one or more of the guitars, or am I wrong?

Love the ending.

I continue to think this is a strong and even brilliant song.

Ed



MikeRobinson said 1528 days ago (July 15th, 2013)
Great lyrics and song, clean production
Very intriguing. Clean production and good songwriting.
Check out my latest song called Young Men, White Gloves
Artist Info
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Name: Stacey K. Black
Location: Sunny California
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My latest short film, "The Truth Is Underrated," has been accepted as an Official Selection in the 2008 Action On Film International Film Festival, and has been nominated in the category: Best Female Filmmaker - Shorts. Also, just got the notif... [see more]

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