First there was dawn...

[Explicit]

cplacito

Genre: Metal

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Description

My song is bad.

i need help mixing.

it sounds like it got hit by a raccoon!!!

i hate my life!

please tell me what to do!

I will follow your orders!

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Lyrics

...and then there was you.

You're a cold-hearted Lioness
I watched you
and you confessed
you watched back
to cast me to stone

so sharpen your eyes
and your swagger
you said "Coward come hither"
and I replied
and my reply was
"Coward come fight me!"

you are my angel
you're everything to me
I watch you sleep, and dream
with your tired eyes

You are my angel
and your wings were the tusks of boars
made of gold, sharpened claws
protected by the fangs of a serpent
and fifty-thousand whores

wrapped and coiled
in venom
confrontation
and innocence

and My, you're a waste of space!
but you're my waste of space!
and I held you, like a bottle filled
with the whiskey I couldn't drink
to stain my teeth

and I don't doubt
that you were once beautiful
my maiden china doll
but you turned sour somewhere
on the assembly line

Song Stats

Hits: 334
Comments: 8
Fans: 2
Plays: 44
Downloads: 0
Votes: 0
Uploaded: Jul 03, 2009 - 07:44:57 PM
Last Updated: Jul 03, 2009 - 08:38:04 PM Last Played: Nov 14, 2009 - 06:23:46 PM

Song License

Creative Commons License:
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Comments

Wummimann	Wummimann said 146 days ago (July 3rd, 2009)
	mmhh .......?! heavy? many loops i guess, the song is ok. Check out my latest song called Delusion

guitarfreak	guitarfreak said 146 days ago (July 4th, 2009)
	... well, i like it :) would you send me the vocal track? i wont upload a remix or anything, i just wanna have a try at making a metal song but have no singers Check out my latest song called F.L.O.A.S.I.

Jim Bouchard

Jim Bouchard said 145 days ago (July 4th, 2009)

not too bad but need more info
One thing that would help would be if you put some details about how you recorded this, if you are looking for help in mixing. I like the last couple verses the best, as the guitar there really got into some sort of hooky territory. I would be nice if the guitar hook from that verse was in the first verse. There isn't really enough in the bass range of things going on in the song, so it sounds sort of lightweight, probably not as heavy as it could be, because of that. Except in the last two verses, where the guitar has got some meat to it. See, that goes to show, you don't necessarily need to have a bass guitar to sound heavy.
That "your wings were the tusks of boars" is a pretty interesting line...

Check out my latest song called Weather or Not w/awigze

cplacito

cplacito said 145 days ago (July 4th, 2009)

PLEASE HELP ME
i recorded this song using alot of gb features

first all the drums are synthetic...and club beats....basically i wanted an elctronica feel like metal band Sky Eats Airplane.

then software instruments are first rotuma bells and piano playing the same melody...then i have some strings doing synth for the breakdown section in the middle....all very easy as i cant play much

the guitar throughout is done with a ZOOM usb pedal...with liquid gain distortion...

and i have a triple harmony in the beggining..then there is no guitar...then there is guitar open chords and some sweeps harmonized with some lead lines harmonized..and then more sweeps

it then goes to a blues part that you mentioned as being hooky and meaty.....?

and that is just guitar and fake drums...

then I felt the end was lacking....so out of pure laziness and i added an EZ drummer fill and then pasted the intro and faded out...

the vocals all throuhout were done with a large diaphragm and yours truly...

with a preset of .....i think female RNB vocals?

I have a bass with a bad input...and i really feel this song could benefit from more

-live instruments not DIed and miced
-a bass providing foundation
-more time
-practice screaming

alot of the stuff used direct inputs or synthetic instruments...

this is mainly because i am lazy and do not want to scare my cats.

but all that aside....besides the lack of low end due to techno drums and NO bass...how does it sit in the mix?

and what can i do to improve this?

I really want to improve my mixing....

I know i need better takes and more instruments....but im just mainly curious as to how to have things sit better spatially.

PLEASE HELP ME JIM!!!!!!!

Check out my latest song called Round Two

VicDiesel

VicDiesel said 145 days ago (July 5th, 2009)

Not bad
It's unusual to have so much material without bass, but you make it work.

My main complaint is that I can't figure out the structure of this song. The chords seem mostly a long sequence of i-V alternations, so the only changes come from differences in the texture. So you have the section with the piano/synth loop under it (which I liked), the first "you are my angel" which has a thinner texture, the second with a thick texture and the half time drums, and then the stuff at the end with the free drum rhythm and the guitar riffing. It's old-fashioned to have a chorus and a verse, but there is a reason that so many songs have that: it gives the listener a sense of tension and release. In your structure there is no sense of what builds to what, where the high and low points are. Simplify your song, and maybe have different chords in the different sections.

Opening section: why do you change the drum rhythm every fourth time? It distracts.

In general your drums are not very homogeneous. Sometimes they are very upfront, sometimes almost inaudible. Are you also using different drum sets? The snare sometimes sounds very light, and in other places it seems to have more depth.

The first "you are my angel" section: your singing is very off-key. It It almost sounds deliberate, but it has limited charm for me. Be critical of your own performances. If it sounds like someone may object, someone will.

The second "you are myangel" section is pretty cool. Nice dense texture, and it has some bottom to it. But by this time I'm starting to weary of the two-chord structure.

So you have some good ideas here, you need to have a bit more direction. Limit how many different ideas you throw in, and give a clear structure to your song.

Check out my latest song called Desert Stars

kingbee

kingbee said 142 days ago (July 7th, 2009)

Mixing
Hi
This isn't as bad as you seem to think it is.
The panning with the synths and guitars is fine.
The drums could do with coming up in the mix a bit and maybe as Vic said could do with a bit of homeomogenising (?)
It's good to have a mix of style with the rhythm section but it does seem to feel that it's not too sure what it wants to be.
The bass is very muddy.
can you not stick it through your zoom USB and get a clearer sound and bring it up in the mix too?
And single bass notes on the chord changes of the intro.
The vocals need to come up a bit and the you are my angel bit is a touch out of tune and either needs re-doing or double tracking and add a touch of chorus on to one of the tracks which would flesh it out and sometimes helps to cover up 'off notes'. Though sometimes it can end up making things sound worse.
I get the impression you feel more comfortable with the more 'shouty' vocals which sound cool
and maybe not so with the softer, melodic parts which could maybe be worked on a bit.
But don't be so hard on yourself. This a good start and things can only go on an upward direction.
Looking forward to the update
cheers

Check out my latest song called Dr.Thunderball-Bond theme challenge

michael2

michael2 said 140 days ago (July 10th, 2009)

it doesn't
sound bad at all. i think the vocals sound good, but get a little washy in the "you are my angel" part of the song. sounds like the reverb is really short (almost like a slapback), you may want to use something with a little longer tail; that part is also a little quieter. maybe try doubling that section: either with another recorded track, or just copy that track, turn off "snap to grid" and slide the copy over ever so slightly.

a trick i discovered on bass was to EQ boost the frequency 2 octaves above the root note of the song. i have a chart of what the frequencies are i can send you (or you can google it). makes it sound fuller for some reason. something else i just started experimenting with is to double your bass part with a low synth. then you get the bottom end from the synth, but the "fingers on strings" sound from the bass.

if you want to glue everything together, on your master track add a touch of AU matrix reverb (maybe use the medium room setting at around 13% dry/wet mix). some people use compression to do this, but that is a dark art I feel thoroughly unqualified to discuss.

other than that:
1. try and get all the vocals so that they are close as far as volume levels go. automation is your friend.
2. that ending is really cool - drag that out longer
3. don't be so hard on yourself, sounds pretty good so far. way better than my first efforts.

Check out my latest song called Behind Enemy Lines (w/Bud and Particle Dots)

sewer rod

sewer rod said 106 days ago (August 12th, 2009)

Hey
It's not as bad as it seems. My songs aren't always stunning either. Basically I agree with Kingbee.(He's good to listen to, has helped me out) I would say bring up the drums a bit, which people like in their metal. The situation with the bass sucks, 'cause you can't really do much if the imput sucks. I agree with you that it would benefit the song if you had some live instrumentation as well. As far as the other stuff the others that commented seem to know what they're talking about, give some of their ideas a whirl. good luck

Check out my latest song called No, Santa Won't Be Coming This Year

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