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Hakoiri musume


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Description
This song is pretty close to finished but I need to take a break from it. I'd really appreciate any ideas you folks might have about the mix and what the song might be missing or what needs toning back.

particledots has completed a remix/deconstruction of this tune, and you can listen to and download it here.
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Lyrics
Hey there, quiet little bird, I hear you singing under your breath, and that's why I ask, "What are you really waiting for?" and "why would you hide such a voice?" You can't know what harmony waits outside this cage. Hey there pretty girl, what are we waiting for? Is there something I should know? Hey there pretty girl, what are you hoping for? You know it's time for you to fly. What are we really waiting for and what have they been hiding you from? You can't know what love you have missed tucked in their arms. But it's warm there, and it's easy. I know, I remember. They'll never turn you away, so c'mon pretty darling, won't you sing with me tonight?
Song Stats
Hits: 2766
Comments: 33
Fans: 22
Plays: 384
Downloads: 85

Uploaded: May 09, 2010 - 04:55:12 AM
Last Updated: Jul 19, 2010 - 08:34:55 AM Last Played: Apr 17, 2017 - 05:36:51 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
Fender Telecaster, Maton Acoustic, Shure SM-57, tired and sad macbook, M-Audio Fast-Track
Software:
Garageband, Battery 3
Comments
alackbass said 2630 days ago (May 9th, 2010)
Is Anything Ever Truly Finished?
I once said "none of my songs are ever finished, I'm just finished with them." This one clearly has a lot of time and work in it. Great build in the arrangement. I love the way you turn the drums around and back again. Nice melody and vocal arrangement.
Check out my latest song called Mean Miss Teacher
particledots said 2630 days ago (May 9th, 2010)
no - never truly finished
and potentially endlessly recyclable in countless permuations

i really like this song and the choices you have made in putting it together - the close vocal harmonies and the droney atmospheric stuff going on in the background

really cool

let me know if you are interested in having this remixed - i would love to take a crack at it

b
Check out my latest song called Nuclear Winter: (re)magination Challenge
dantimmermans said 2629 days ago (May 9th, 2010)
thanks Andrew
It is true, you really can just chip and pick away at something forever, but I think there is a time when every tune is fundamentally done. I just always sail right by, overdubs and unnecessary instruments in tow!
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
magnatone said 2630 days ago (May 9th, 2010)
Hi Dan
sigh ... this is just beautiful! i love the mix of vocals and complimentary guitar work. i'm a pianist/orchestrator, not a songwriter, so i don't feel qualified to give you advice - i will say that to MY ears, this hits the nail on the head and leaves me extremely impressed by your musicianship! instant download, and thank you!
Check out my latest song called Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) and Variations
dantimmermans said 2629 days ago (May 9th, 2010)
I'm glad you liked it
thank you very much for your comment, Karen. I wish I had you fantastic knack for the piano and orchestration. but then again, who knows what whacky directions I'd go in? I have enough trouble with focus as it is!
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
johnwhitehead said 2629 days ago (May 10th, 2010)
Lillte bird
Lovely floaty piece. Dig the intertwined vocs and the soft key pads. Cool when bass and drums kick in. This feels original and heartfelt. Like the way the rolling finger-picked guitar undergirds the whole thing.
Check out my latest song called Wandering Blues
dantimmermans said 2628 days ago (May 10th, 2010)
Thanks
your comments are much appreciated, John. This tune started as a solo fingerpickin' thing - I wanted a song that was just one voice and one guitar. That desire didn't last long, though. Maybe it'll be the next song?
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
tempie said 2629 days ago (May 10th, 2010)
whoa
this kills dude. fantastic. i love the geography of it, all those little dips and rises and straightways. the backups are sweet! love how they're stylistically just a little different than the verse but sung in perfect harmony. also really dig the lyrics. just a terrific happy/moody little tune. sounds finished to me. ben gibbard tries to write this tune every time out. great stuff. thanks for the DL!
Check out my latest song called Summer Song
dantimmermans said 2628 days ago (May 10th, 2010)
geography
That's great to hear, Tempie. Sometimes I fear that, in using GB and the quantized/overdubbed nature of it all, that the first 'natural' element of music to be lost is the dynamics.
also, referencing Ben Gibbard is quite the compliment - I've always loved Death Cab (especially The Photo Album and Transatlanticism) so I guess they're a significant influence on me. Thanks for having a listen.
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
jdholliday said 2627 days ago (May 11th, 2010)
Man I was
really hoping you were gonna kick this song up a notch, starting to get worried, and then at 1:04 just in time, there it is, nice! And here comes the bridge 1:40, also right on cue, nice change... and the would be chorus, sweet.... into the outro, tag it? Yes! Very nice.
I would consider getting another harmony or 2 from other people who might hear something you never would, without making any promises to use them, that's something charles and I are doing, and it really helps, (usually), love your voice. Great lyrics great idea going from bird to girl.
2nd listen..... I think a high harmony on the chorus would really help separate it and enhance it, excellent start, actually it's complete I'm just suggesting how it might be even better, great job!
Check out my latest song called Please Help, Pride of NYC needs tracks!
dantimmermans said 2627 days ago (May 11th, 2010)
detailed!
man, thanks for taking the time to go into details and identify the sections that worked for you. You, know, I'm always up for more and more harmonies!
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
fasteddie said 2626 days ago (May 12th, 2010)
Killer harmonies
Man I really dig the harmonies you're getting here.

I really like the bass line too. Good stuff. It reminds me a little of Silversun Pickups.

It's amazing how fast stuff is getting buried here lately. I almost missed this one.
Check out my latest song called On Borrowed Time
dantimmermans said 2625 days ago (May 13th, 2010)
running for the train and leaping from the platform....
...welcome aboard, this song has left Front Page and will soon arrive at Obscurity.
You're right, there are a lot of folks posting and I've missed a few killer tunes that I only found through comment links. It's hard to keep up, and I guess it can be discouraging to members, given the time some people put into their music. anyway, not whining because we're lucky to have such a vibrant community.
oh, I checked out the Silversun Pickups after your comment, they're really quite excellent but I admit that despite liking the guy's voice, I couldn't listen to a whole album of it. very very heavily processed. great bass work though, and the clip for Panic Switch is darrrrrrrn sexy!
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
racerat said 2624 days ago (May 15th, 2010)
birdies
Dan,
What a beautiful song. So warm and inviting, just like the lyrics. I have one suggestion about the vocal mix. Your vocals have a little bit of a nasal tone to it, so you might take out a bit of the low-mids in vocal EQ spectrum 160-400 mhz range-ish centered around 250 mhz. That would lessen the magnification of the nasal aspect and it would ALSO open up that spectrum for the warmness of the guitar and bass, which it is currently competing with. Just an idea.
very cool song. I love your stuff as you know, which is why I feel OK sending out this critique, hope you take it as the positive crit, as it was meant.
P

Check out my latest song called Paper Thin
dantimmermans said 2623 days ago (May 15th, 2010)
you can stick it, bud!
just kidding! I love getting, and need, as much advice as possible. especially EQ, it's a new frontier for me so any tips and pointers are very welcome. my earlier uploads have really suffered from my ignorance and, for the lack of a better word, disinterest in EQ. somebody posted a 'primer' for EQ on the forums here and the possibilities have just exploded for me. a lot more work, though :(
I'm doing another mix of this soon and will incorporate your advice.
Dan
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
BirdmanWayne94 said 2624 days ago (May 15th, 2010)
A very...
... unique indie-rock tune. I dig the dark backing music. The vocal harmonies are a perfect addition, kinda emotionally-moving too. This is one of the finest songs I've heard in this genre at MJ!
Check out my latest song called Groove #7 (SoloMe-o Challenge)
dantimmermans said 2619 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
cheers
I appreciate your compliments and your coming over for a listen.
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
buckhorn said 2623 days ago (May 15th, 2010)
head and chest
Nice to hear some lower register with your vocals. You have your own unique style. Very, very nice tune.
Check out my latest song called when you smile
dantimmermans said 2619 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
thanks for listening
yeah, I need to try using a low register more often. high melodies and harmonies are just easier and come to mind more naturally for me. thanks
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
awigze said 2620 days ago (May 18th, 2010)
Dan
everything is so superb here. vocals are stellar. all is well. this made my life better!
Check out my latest song called Tommy Cat
dantimmermans said 2619 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
what better goal can there be...
...than making someone's life better? thank you for listening and I'm glad the song's had such a positive effect.
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
davisamerica said 2620 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
great track
....your collab with Bryn on this turned out quiet good as well...good stuff
Check out my latest song called ok char2
sloparts said 2620 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
I found this,
after listening to Bryn's rework of it. I love both versions, but I think I like this version as well, if not better than Bryn's remake.

I think the energy the drums add, add a certain cohesiveness to you mix that I didn't find in Bryn's.

Both are outstanding in their own way because it's such a beautiful song.

Kudos to you Dan for an excellent piece, I am impressed by you skills as a writer and musician.

Ed
Check out my latest song called Quack's Blues
dantimmermans said 2619 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
yeah, I love the drums too
I though it was an interesting and brace choice Bryn made, taking out the drums. to me they were the drivng force and 'glue' of the song. It did, however, really open the track for the delicate synth and sampling work Bryn did. really glad you liked the song.
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
Char said 2620 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
You
have made a sensitive, seductive song here. Actually, it is one of the more unique compositions I've heard here or anywhere. In a way, it is like a lullabye as it is so gentle. :)
Check out my latest song called When Loving Is One-sided, Music by Bob Rodgers
dantimmermans said 2619 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
seductive?
that's a word I've never associated with my music before :) thanks for coming by and commenting, Char.
Check out my latest song called One Way Street
drakonis said 2619 days ago (May 19th, 2010)
forward gentle movement...
a very seductive strength this has... understated and sweet. Reminds me a lot of the other amazing artist "jonx" here. Nicely done.
ttfn,
Drakonis
Check out my latest song called Miwok
Lennon714 said 2618 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
Beautiful melody
The melody/harmony in this song is very well done. Moves the lyric along nicely, but is also catchy. If I were forced find a nit, it would be the drums. They seem out of place with the feel of the rest of the song.

Anyway, I loved what Bryn did with this and had to check out the original. Glad I did!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
michaelkoppenheffer said 2617 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
A beautiful song
in the arrangement too (yes, I listened to them "backward.") Your vocals are particularly good.

Having heard both (and read the consolidated comments), I'm most skeptical of the drums here: it's a nice mix and an interesting arrangement, and I really like it when the drums kick in, but they're not consistent enough/punchy enough to be an anchor and yet they're not quite spastic enough to be generating energy that way. Just my two cents on a gorgeous piece of work.
Check out my latest song called Till the Tap Runs Dry (album version)
billykirsch said 2617 days ago (May 22nd, 2010)
Missed
Sorry I didn't hear this before. Coming from Bryn's remix of this song.
This is so smooth and sweet. I can see the song played only by fingerpicking, but the layers you added provide texture and colors that support your intimate voice harmonies.
Love the lyrics.
Lovely in every sense.
There's a glitch around 2:17. Only evident thing I find in the mix.

Check out my latest song called Everything
crissew said 2614 days ago (May 25th, 2010)
I know the feeling
I get fatigued with songs and put them aside very commonly. This one is sounding very good though IMO. Like how the song builds as it goes along. The only critique I would offer would be to make it a bit longer, perhaps add a break of some type or a solo. Love the harmonies. Great song man congrats!
Check out my latest song called Dollar Store Christmas w/ Jerry Rissew
psexnyc said 2596 days ago (June 12th, 2010)
It Just Draws Me In
And then takes me on a pleasant ride. I'm a sucker for vocal harmony! This tune just sounds so dang good coming thru my headphones! I"m glad I found this!
Check out my latest song called Want Miss Need Love
fambroski said 2481 days ago (October 5th, 2010)
Deep
I'm feeling this deeply. It's hard not to. LOve it.
Check out my latest song called Hello Pain
Artist Info
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Name: Dan Timmermans
Location: Brisbane Queensland Australia
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I grew up on Dire Straits, Def Leppard, Phil Collins, Paul Simon, and Eric Clapton. Then I discovered heavy metal. [long pause] Did the post-rock thing for a while, thinking my 'tortured' soul could could only express itself in chaotic guitar crescen... [see more]

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