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Just a Waitress ( live at the Dubliner)


by

Damroze

 Genre: Country-Western
No artwork

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Description
A song for the working women that actually keep this country going.
Recorded live off of the board during an open mic at The Dubliner in Seattle a couple of years ago. After joining the NSAI and getting feedback from their song evaluators the lyrics were changed slightly, the results to be posted forthwith.
The variations in the sung and written versions reflect this ongoing process.
I had posted this as a place holder for an open collab lyric since MJ won't let me post a song without an MP3. I decided to upload this after the response.


For those on here interested in songwriting, I am attaching the NSAI evaluators suggestions fo educational and informational purposes. Compare these lyrics to the later upload.
I still need to learn how to sing :-(
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FORM/STRUCTURE:V channel C V V C -good form

HOOK/IDEA:"Just a Waitress" -interesting hook

LYRIC:David, overall this is an easy lyric to follow and understand. Here are some thoughts and suggestions.
AS A RULE: today's country lyrics are extremely everyday conversational (which most of this is)...However 'Pouring out some 'joe'" is a little 'forced' people don't use that term too much anymore. "you should have seen the look 'upon' his face" seems 'too formal'...(on his face, is more conversational)
"what'll you have..." works on paper, but as a listener, I didn't 'get that, because we can't 'hear' quotation marks...so you have to add "She said..."what'll you have..."
Verse2: 'so/out' doesn't rhyme....
AS A RULE: you have to keep this consistent whether you are the 'waitress' or the person telling the story. When you get to the chorus, you have to say "She said...You say I'm just a waitress...
CHORUS: good
Last verse: 'jackson tip"....the listener has to think about it...$20 tip is 'clearer'...but obviously doesn't fit...
MELODY/METER (IF APPLICABLE):good feel, hard to tell this melody, seemed too 'spoken' to really have a melody...(chorus was a little better)...

COMMERCIAL VIABILITY:song has potential

CLOSING COMMENTS:Love the idea, I think the working women of America would like it. Is "purple jogging suit" 'gay' is that why you have him in 'purple'??? To me, it would be better if he were 'rich' corporate type looking down his nose at her...
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Lyrics
Just a Waitress
David Damroze


Verse
 

I
 stopped into my favorite place

for a bloody mary and some eggs


where Rosie was busy pouring out the 
Joe
 
She was taking care of everyone

" What'll you have this morning, hon?"


With the graceful talent of a seasoned pro

Em 
Some character in a jogging suit

Started to complain about the fruit
Am 

And that his egg whites weren't prepared just 
so
Em 
Rosie listened to his bitchin'

about the waitstaff and the kitchen
Am 

Put her hands on her hips and cussed him out


Chorus
 

You say I'm just a waitress
 
Em 
but you wouldn't last an hour in my 
shoes.
 

I do more work in a day than 25
 
Em 
of the likes of you.

Am 
I keep all of my orders straight
Bm 

While balancing a 
dozen plates
 

You say I'm just a waitress
 
Em 
But you wouldn't last an hour in my 
shoes.



Verse

Jogging suit got kind of cross
Demanded a word with the boss
You should have seen the look upon his face
When Rosie told this rude galoot
in his purple jogging suit
That she was the owner of this place

He sputtered stammered and he swore
As He scrambled out and slammed the door
He wasn't used to getting this kind of lip
As Rosie finished cleaning up
Following the morning rush
on every table was a Jackson tip.


Chorus
You say I'm just a waitress
but you wouldn't last an hour in my shoes.
I do more work in a day than 25
of the likes of you.
I keep all of my orders straight
While balancing a dozen plates
You say I'm just a waitress
But you wouldn't last an hour in my shoes.

You say she's just a waitress
But you wouldn't last an hour in her shoes.








Copyright 2010 David Michael Damroze
Created with OpenSong
Song Stats
Hits: 968
Comments: 4
Fans: 3
Plays: 61
Downloads: 32
Votes: 0
Uploaded: Oct 25, 2012 - 10:23:42 AM
Last Updated: Oct 26, 2012 - 04:30:56 PM Last Played: Mar 23, 2017 - 06:05:56 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Keywords:
Waitress (3)
Hardware:
a guitar
Software:
don't know.
Comments
PeterB7858 said 1818 days ago (October 25th, 2012)
Just a Waitress
Like it, David. Topical, humorous and down to earth. I was in Seattle on holidays a few months ago. Sorry I missed the show. Reminds me of Loudon III a bit. Thanks, Peter.
Check out my latest song called Ships In The Night (w Sam D)
Damroze said 1818 days ago (October 26th, 2012)
Thanks Peter.
This was actually recorded in 2010. After a couple of years of tinkering I decided to post this raw earlier version along with some others.
Seattle is a nice place to visit ;-)
Check out my latest song called Somewhere Between Atchison and Oskaloosa
Moviz said 1818 days ago (October 26th, 2012)
This is
great Dave.... great rendition and guitar accompaniment with some of your excellent lyrics to boot.... loved the applause at the end, cheers M
Check out my latest song called Angels
Damroze said 1818 days ago (October 26th, 2012)
The guy that runs the Dubliner
is kind enough to e-mail out MP3s from the open mics. My voice wasn't the greates that night but that's showbiz.
Check out my latest song called Somewhere Between Atchison and Oskaloosa
Artist Info
artist photo
Name: David Damroze
Location: Kansas City MO United States
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Song Whittler. Rights reserved for original material. Damroze@yahoo.com Collaborations : Time Clicks Away w/Char ( Open collab) Memories of Rose w/ Moviz -53273 Champagne cinderella w/ Moviz -74882 I hunger for the Thorn w/... [see more]

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Genre Info
Country music, also called country and western music or country-western, is an amalgam of popular musical forms developed in the Southern United States, with roots in traditional folk music, Celtic Music, Blues, Gospel music, and Old-time music. Howe

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