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Misanthrope Seeks Same


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Description
At a slam a woman did a poem about a single's ad. She got me to wondering what an honest single's ad from myself would be like. Sadly, this is it. I am brutally honest with women. Which is why, in the end, I get dumped for stupid reasons. "No, I have never piloted a test plane or been to Madagascar." Nope, not me. Sure, I can see why you need your space now.

Heh!

I sound bitter? I really try not to be,
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Lyrics
I tend to say ludicrous things like,
“Only women are worth writing about,
which is why women writers worth reading
are lesbians.” Notice the alliteration.
I’m 34, never married, with no kids.
In Nature this means I am unfit to mate.
I don’t remember birthdays (even my own),
or anniversaries, or holidays other than Halloween.
If you want a present from me, remind me…
the day before.

I fall in love too easily. A romantic,
I have never learned how to fall out of love.
Everyday will hold a surprise from me.
Effortlessly, I will gift you with flowers,
an occasional poem, or cooked meal
(though the dishes will sit until you do them).
I might not say “I love you” every day,
but if a day goes by with doubts,
I’m doing something wrong.

Honesty makes a good poet, but a poor man.
I dig on pictures of naked chicks, like kinky sex,
pack a few too many pounds, sport a bit of a meat-beard,
hate my job (though I am good at it and make enough),
have a house, drink too much, am too lonely
(though I question the absolute of loneliness),
my refractory period is measured in hours
(no longer minutes), though I am happy to say…not days,
and while I suppose I still have a full head of hair,
it is thinning, and I have to admit receding
since I was 14.

I like to sleep, but sleeping alone sucks. So does eating alone,
or being sick alone, or being alone alone, or hating
someone. Sex alone is no fun. Well, maybe a little fun,
but much better with another. I so want to ask,
“Do your panties go in the same load as my underwear?
What about the powder blue thong you wore last night?”

Ha!

I am a constant companion to misery, find succor in sorrow,
not usually the life of the party; I can bring a funeral down.
I’m not good past small talk, and too seldom leave
the house. It takes an event like this to get me out. I’m sarcastic,
loyal, too intelligent for my own good (but among my friends
I am the dumb one), well read, and mostly sane. Oh, and I don’t
dance and I don’t sing.

And...

I want kids. They’re so cool, not at all like real people.
Only a heartless bastard can hate kids, only a soulless
person not want them. Picket fence, chicken in the pot,
car in the garage, cats or a dog (not both), PTA,
play dates, and our drunken friends drinking the last
of our best wine. This is what I what I dream of,
this is my fantasy.

Please rerun ad until further notice. Bill to:
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Song Stats
Hits: 4424
Comments: 20
Fans: 5
Plays: 192
Downloads: 162
Votes: 10
Uploaded: Apr 13, 2005 - 09:30:31 AM
Last Updated: Apr 13, 2005 - 10:46:07 AM Last Played: Sep 08, 2017 - 11:06:57 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
My mic and comp.
Software:
Gb2 only.
Comments
macapa said 4606 days ago (April 13th, 2005)
I like!
You know, I really liked this piece. The honesty is
touching. Parts remind me of me. Also makes me feel
lucky I'm living with my current girlfriend. :-)

cjorgensen said 4606 days ago (April 13th, 2005)
I like!
Sadly, I think a lot of this is universal. And just for the record, I'm Norwegian.
We think kinky sex is leaving the light on! Heh.

I miss a lot about being in a relationship, but there is a lot I like about being
single too. A friend of mine think I obsess on the idea. I try to assure her I
only think about it when I write, which is why so many of my poems are on
this subject. I also tend to write toward a theme, until I've explored it, then
move on. A lot of my stuff lately has been on "wanting."

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
Tom Atwood said 4606 days ago (April 13th, 2005)
Too Much Information?
Maybe not. I found this very interesting, well-written,
funny, and well delivered. Good job.
Check out my latest song called Vanishing Pezzicato
cjorgensen said 4606 days ago (April 13th, 2005)
Too Much Information?
Yeah, there's TMI for sure. Got the idea from a friend's poem, but also from
having read a few online profiles. I think that's the charm of the piece. I also
find irony in that I'm not really putting out my best aspects. It's almost like
daring someone to like me in spite of myself.

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
EdensEve said 4598 days ago (April 21st, 2005)
Reply to:
Now this I would reply to. But you forgot eye/hair color
and height? I wish real ads were this in-depth and well
spoken. Can't wait until the video version comes out!
cjorgensen said 4562 days ago (May 27th, 2005)
Reply to:
Heh, you kid about the video, but that's my next hobby. :)

And eye and hair color is brown on both. Can't you tell from the photo?

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
I. Spike said 4594 days ago (April 25th, 2005)
Bold.
I feel like a stunned voyeur who's just been caught.
Wanted to shut it off, turn away, but it was too
compelling. So I sat listenng. SInking deeper and deeper
into the miasmic vortex.
...thanks...
Check out my latest song called Aqua Velveeta
cjorgensen said 4562 days ago (May 27th, 2005)
Bold.
Thanks. I always have to dial back my poetry. I tend to get more bitter than I
am in real life. I write when I am feeling overwhelmed. It's my escape, so
often the words that come out are a bit over-the-top. And one of the greatest
criticisms I get is that my humor isn't always seen as funny by some people.

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
Magritte said 4594 days ago (April 25th, 2005)
Some really piercing comments.
"if a day goes by with doubts,
I%u2019m doing something wrong."

That would get my attention even if the rest scared me off. ;-) Love the little echo on the laundry quote.
Check out my latest song called Tango Macabre
cjorgensen said 4562 days ago (May 27th, 2005)
Some really piercing comments.
That quote was once said about me from someone in the know. Or close
enough. I am horrible with somethings. Birthdays, family obligations, etc. But
I also am constantly running background processes thinking about the people
in my life. I find a book for you, I don't wait until Christmas to give it to you. I
will often give someone a gift a few weeks before a birthday, only to have to
raid the wine cellar on the actual birthday.

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
Del said 4577 days ago (May 12th, 2005)
Soul of a Rottweiler
I must be a soulless bastard. Never wanted kids.
Rottweillers, now, those are sure woman lures. Great
piece. Courage.
Check out my latest song called The Androgyne
cjorgensen said 4561 days ago (May 28th, 2005)
Soul of a Rottweiler
Went and listened to some of your cuts. Wouldn't call you a bastard. Heh!

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
rovert10 said 4569 days ago (May 20th, 2005)
The Bleakness of Bachelorhood
Being recently demoted to lonely bachelor, this was a real
bummer. Typicallly well written and delivered. I just going off
to shoot myself. 8-7-8-8 DL
Check out my latest song called Gears
cjorgensen said 4561 days ago (May 28th, 2005)
The Bleakness of Bachelorhood
Yeah, it sucks. I been doing it entirely too long now. I seldom go out though,
so it's my own self-perpetuating damn fault.

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
alanfraser said 4397 days ago (November 8th, 2005)
Truth
in advertising doesn't sell Camaros and I'm not even sure they sell them
anymore so perhaps that means no young people are having sex anymore
as surely having a Camaro was a requirement for that.

I wasn't sure what to expect but I got sucked in and I found myself
agreeing and disagreeing but always listening. Fascinating. I must hear
more.
Check out my latest song called Too Much or Not Enough - Live at 20th Century
cjorgensen said 4395 days ago (November 10th, 2005)
Truth
Thanks. I don't always think this way. Sometimes you get down. I could have
also wrote I am nice to children and old ladies. Like to play with kittens and am
a good listener. Creative and generally kind. Etc. But it's no good if you're good
at selling yourself, since that would be a poor poem.

---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
loyd vader said 4312 days ago (February 1st, 2006)
clever son of a...........
your the man christopher L. jorgensen........another jem.........
Check out my latest song called breaking through the maze
cjorgensen said 4312 days ago (February 1st, 2006)
clever son of a...........
eh, not too clever. honest for the most part.

---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
loyd vader said 4311 days ago (February 2nd, 2006)
was reading through comments
and edenseve is right.......a video for this track would be way cool.......
Check out my latest song called breaking through the maze
cjorgensen said 4284 days ago (March 1st, 2006)
was reading through comments
I think eventually I will start playing with video, but I haven't scratched the
surface of audio. As soon as I run out of ideas for audio I will go get a camera. I
promise.

---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name
Check out my latest song called Gardens
Artist Info
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Name: Christopher L. Jorgensen
Location: Slater IA United States
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Christopher L. Jorgensen is lucky enough to make his living answering questions about Macintosh computers all day. In his spare time he likes to drink wine, play with webdesign, and learn new things about computers. He has an iron ego and lives fo... [see more]

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