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From a Coffin


by

slumbering

 Genre: Other

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Description
26 Jan 2006 07:39 PM

This song is not about a premature burial or being buried alive. It is about being dead in a coffin but being aware of being dead and buried and trapped in the coffin.

It is my attempt to try to express something that i'm not sure can be expressed: a very bad episode of derealization that i had a few years ago. It was most intense for about five days and then began to decrease and now it's sort of dormant. But it's never completely gone, it is always kind of looming there, and i am so afraid it will come back. I couldn't take going through that again. When i was in the midst of it i couldn't explain to anyone what was going on. There was no way. A terrible feeling, all i can say is that it's an isolating feeling, like i am not in the world but i see it right there, right there, and can't get in. And it's very physical as well as psychological. It's the most scary thing i have ever experienced, a nightmare that i couldn't wake up from. Even now, i often feel like my own body is a coffin, and i just want to be free.

However, this is not the experience itself but a song and so blah blah blah blah blah blah............

The song is meant to sound slightly dissonant. I experimented a lot with my voice, it is really different and strange sounding here.

It bothers me because i think i sound like i'm imitating Kate Bush (a heroine of mine) but i wasn't actually imitating her, what i was doing was trying to sound corpse-like. But she is a great influence on me, so it makes sense. And i'm also sorta stoked that i hear her in my voice now.

The notes hit the worst place in my throat, too, that yawny area, but i didn't feel like i could change the key too much as the high parts would be pushed higher and i can't sing as high anymore.

I wrote the music for this a way-long time ago, and the words i put together this month. I never was sure what it was about until recently. Part of the melody sounds so familiar to me that i am almost afraid it's another song, but maybe that is because i wrote it so long ago.

Notes on the lyrics:

"My love"
Not necessarily a lover, but could be. All those i love, or any one of them. Life, even.

"I'm longing for the world that i love"
Mourning for the world's beauty that i am not part of.

"I can't forget, i can't let go"
Because i am aware, if i weren't i would be better off.

"Feel it soften"
Need softness, ease, i am like metal that hurts, i want soft comfort.

"to feel the earth," "birth of Spring"
Want to really feel these things, really be part of them, it hurts not being able.

"Of ascent"
Not "a scent." I want to ascend and be free in the sky.

"I ache for your skin"
Not sexual. I want to feel your warmth. I want to be with you. I want to be part of you and part of life. I ache to have my own living skin.

"I need to breathe"
From one of the days in the peak of the derealization, when i tried, literally, to shake it out of myself. If someone had seen me, i don't know what they'd have thought. But it occurred to me that i might be able to scream and shake it out of my body, so i ran about, shaking my whole body and screaming. It didn't work.

"rest"
If i can't be free, let me not be aware at all, let me rest in peace.


The music was written a long time ago, in the late eighties. I had different ideas but was never sure what it was really about.

I am trying to express something that can never be expressed.

(This is from 26 Jan 2006 07:39 PM)
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Lyrics
Don't go
No, no, my love
I hear you above
Don't go

Don't know how long since I died
Or how I can know I'm shut inside

But I hear you above
And I'm longing
For the world that I love
For belonging

I can't forget
I can't let go
Let me return
Don't go

Oh, to see the birth of Spring
Feel it soften
Or even to feel the earth
Just outside my coffin

I dream of the sky
Of ascent
And I ache for your skin
And I'm helpless within
This torment

I need to breathe
I need to be free
Of this body

I cannot scream
Can only dream
Even the dreams smother

I can't break through
Can't reach you
Or any other

I can't forget
I can't let go
Let me return

Don't go
No, no, my love
I hear you above
Don't go

To all strangers passing by
Here lies a ghost that cannot fly
So sing her a lullaby
That she may rest.
Song Stats
Hits: 4448
Comments: 24
Fans: 17
Plays: 136
Downloads: 132

Uploaded: Jul 04, 2007 - 11:53:52 PM
Last Updated: Jan 17, 2008 - 04:47:51 PM Last Played: Jan 22, 2018 - 02:12:53 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

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Hardware:
PowerBook G4 Ti 800MHz
Yamaha PSR-273 Keyboard
Shure SM-57 Microphone (no filter, as is obvious)
Software:
GarageBand 1
Comments
drakonis said 3946 days ago (July 5th, 2007)
desperation
I can feel it in your music and voice to some extent, although the eerie description helps a lot in setting the stage here. Really pretty music, well played and written, simple and rich and satisfying. The cello(?) sounded a little synthy, but the other instruments were great. The singing does need to come up a little more, it is still a little too muffled to make out the words clearly. I love your soft dark penetrating music. Perhaps you would enjoy my latest, Dancylvania?
ttfn,
Drakonis
Check out my latest song called Miwok
slumbering said 3946 days ago (July 5th, 2007)
Thank you for listening
I recorded this more than a year ago and learned a lot after i posted it at another Mac music site. It was a hard thing to create in the first place and i don't know if i am up to working on it anymore although i realize it could have a better sound.

The synthy cello is the Fitch Cello that i downloaded from MacJams, of all places! :D

I tried to learn cello, at a fairly late age, and realized very quickly what a difficult instrument it is to play. At least for me.

When one hears a cellist at a concert, it's beautiful, of course, and i had always imagined how it would *feel* to play a cello... i love those deep strings... they get right into my heart... and i imagined that it would be like playing my own heart, in a way. I imagined it would feel like silk, running the bow across the strings and i thought that playing the cello would bring me into the world, somehow, what i imagined seemed so lovely. I thought it had to be the true instrument for me.

Well, when i rented one and began playing i was shocked and disillusioned and cried a lot for a few days. Instead of silk, there was this horrible grating sound and the feel of it was very rough.

I think i am going way off and babbling

Thank you for listening and commenting on my song. Despair, yes. When i was doing the keywords, somehow that one didn't come to me but there is definitely despair.

I really appreciate your taking the time to write. I went to listen to your song and felt bad that i couldn't say any more than i really liked it. So much! I don't seem to have a great ability to verbalize what i experience. But your song is a pleasure and i immediately downloaded it for future listens. :)
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
drakonis said 3946 days ago (July 5th, 2007)
throwing a fitch
Cellos do indeed resonate with my heart, when played well... I personally know the agonizing frustration of hearing a haunting instrument, wanting to play it for myself, and being unable to get a single note out of it, much less, anything resembling what I have heard others play... the instrument that has tantalized me and taunted me is the heart-rending sound of the Japanese shakuhachi (bamboo flute.) I bought one years ago in Japan, and I haven't been able to coax a single note out of it.

I should have been more specific about the cello sound in your song. What I meant by "synthy" was that the attack and decay on the notes sounded odd for a cello. It sounded like somebody playing a cello via a keyboard :-) The secret to getting the Fitch Cello samples to sound realistic, is to go back after entering the notes, and hand-edit the volume and expression envelopes on some of the notes to make certain notes swell, or trail off slowly instead of abruptly... unfortunately this takes a lot of time, fiddling note-by-note to get it just right. But when it is done, it sounds quite spectacular, and although most people often cannot tell exactly what is different, they will think it is a real cello performance.

Anyway, thank you for your story about the cello, and for listening to and commenting on my piece, I sincerely appreciate it!

ttfn,
Drakonis

---
Deja vu - It's the next best thing to being there<br>
### Today's song:<a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/24994">DidgeEmber</a>
Check out my latest song called Miwok
said 3946 days ago (July 5th, 2007)
I've had this all my life!
so that's what it's called...relieved there is a name for it :-)
now to the music.......Excellent! Good choice of instruments especially the church organ. You play piano very well too. Yes I can hear Kate Bush in there and at times Madonna. The familiar sounding part may be a song from Madonnas 'Ray of Light' album.
A few mic/production problems but not enough to distract from fully enjoying this very compelling piece. Superb!
michael2 said 3946 days ago (July 5th, 2007)
really
really beautiful. the music, the melodies, the vocals and orchestration. all very lovely. the vocal could be a little louder; but i couldn't do any better. I always have a hard time getting vocals to sound the way I want them too. i think you need a pop filter though.if i ever get around to getting one you can borrow it :)
Check out my latest song called Jazz Glitch Dub Experiment
Rebsie said 3945 days ago (July 6th, 2007)
Oh, that gorgeous voice!
Your voice is just absolutely stunning. I really can't get enough of it. It's perfect for these dark gothic moods and soaring melodies. It's kind of what would have happened if Kate Bush had been a Goth ... but it's uniquely yours too. So it certainly doesn't sound to me like you're imitating her ... just that you've been blessed with a similarly sweet and soaring tone of voice, and the talent to make good use of it.

(She's been my biggest influence as a singer too, but if I want to sing her songs I have to transpose them down about half an octave just to reach all the notes!)

The piano and cello are a beautiful combination and played with such delicacy, depth and pathos. The Fitch cello has a beautiful tone and I think you've made good use of it here.

Sure there are some pops but the beauty and soul of the piece just come shining through them unhindered.

Your derealization experience does sound terrifying. I know what it's like dealing with panic attacks although mine were not on anywhere near the same scale, so I think it's very brave of you to tackle those feelings and emotions in a song, even if indirectly through a fictional situation. The truth and experience underlying the song no doubt add to the heartstopping beauty of it.
Check out my latest song called Amongst The Colours (w/ Luna Trick)
slumbering said 3931 days ago (July 20th, 2007)
Thanks, Rebsie!
You already know how much i love your music. It's a great feeling to hear such compliments from you.

---
What kind of message am i sending to your children?!
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
announcer said 3944 days ago (July 6th, 2007)
this is a wonderful piece
the basics of this piece are exceptional but, as you are already aware, the production especially on the voice needs more polish. Given the very personal and emotional nature of this song, it may be that you will never polish it up by recutting the vocals. That's OK ... It is still a powerful piece from the opening notes to the choice of instruments and the playing.

Art is best when it comes from soul and from the whole being ... and this comes from that place.
Check out my latest song called Blood Moon
jiguma said 3943 days ago (July 7th, 2007)
Love your voice
Excellent instrumentation and classy vocals - love your upper register a lot! Dark and eerie - excellent low notes from the cello. Yes, the recording could be better, but the song and performances are outstanding.
Excellent vocals!
Neil
Check out my latest song called We End Up Being All The Same (42)
said 3943 days ago (July 8th, 2007)
Wonderfull
THe dark refrences in your lyrics put the beautifull chord progressions right on focus! I enjoyed tthis one alot.. Thanks for sharing
blaky smith said 3930 days ago (July 21st, 2007)
Excellent...
glad to discover your music with this very nice track...
Original creation, nice melody, great instrumentation and perfect voice for this style. Bravo ...
Thanks to share
Marc
Check out my latest song called Un jour de d├ęcembre
atonalis said 3908 days ago (August 12th, 2007)
wonderful.
pure beauty. don't know what else to say. you have my heart on this.
Check out my latest song called lit with a wet match.
Schello said 3849 days ago (October 10th, 2007)
;-)
Bellissima voce, tune difficile, full of harmony, incredibilmente Iralnd rocks, dark but full of life for me, its un grido al good of the life..
BRAVA.ssima!


Im not genius
---------------
Schello
Check out my latest song called Snozz'en (Cronik Mix)
lavalamp said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
Rebsie sent me
Excellently written song. You voice sounds great.

LL
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
slumbering said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
Thank you, lavalamp
I'm happy you stopped by and i appreciate the compliment. :)
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
Peter Bauckham said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
Sorry...
I can't believe I missed this one. Beautiful.

Peter
Check out my latest song called Reality TV MJRF2010
slumbering said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
Thank you, Peter
I'm the one who should be sorry, i am now seeing all these comments that i didn't know were here and i never responded.

Thank you so much for listening and for your kind words. :)



Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
One of the most
hauntingly beautiful songs that I have ever heard. Kate Bush is one of my musical heroes, also, and I'm sure she would be blown away by this, as in she wishes she had written and performed it. But I can't think of a case where she has reached the sustained level of tender, aching poignancy that you have reached here. Magnificent.
slumbering said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
Thank you, Roca_Atomica
That's so flattering it's almost hard to respond, but it's made me very happy to know that you like it and to hear such nice things. Thank you! :)
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
Char said 3522 days ago (September 1st, 2008)
No one could have sung
the emotion charged lyrics any more elegantly. I don't think I've heard anything by you, before. That is a pity. But, easily remedied. Wow. Thank for sharing something that is so very personal.
Check out my latest song called Bound, v2. w Music by Dirigent
slumbering said 3521 days ago (September 2nd, 2008)
Char...
It was a difficult song to do and by the time i was finished, i was completely exhausted. Thank you very much for your appreciation, it helps me.
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
Boris the Bull said 3520 days ago (September 2nd, 2008)
thoughts from the bull...
obviously i know and adore this song, slumbs.

but hearing rebsie's cover version made me want to hear yours all over again. to be honest, if anyone i know of who could pull it off successfully, it would be rebsie.

what a fine tribute to your craft! congrats!


Check out my latest song called What You'd Be Like
slumbering said 3520 days ago (September 2nd, 2008)
Boris...
Thank you <3

Since the song comes from so deep inside me, it's hard for me to be objective about the song itself.

But when you talk about Rebsie performing it, you make me realize, it's so true!

I trusted her completely with this! I didn't know exactly what to expect, but i didn't even hesitate when she asked me about covering it. Yet, i'm not sure i'd have felt that way if anyone else had asked. I really do think i'd have had to think about it for a bit, because it is very personal.

Her music just resonates with me, i love her, and i feel so grateful for her work on my song.

Thank you for posting here and thank you so much for always being so encouraging and such a good friend. <3


Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
Rebsie said 3520 days ago (September 3rd, 2008)
Me again
Mopping up tears reading your response to Mark's comment.

I can't thank you enough for trusting me with a version of this. I can never reach the depth of expression and soulfulness you did, but I so wanted to try. What you say about my music resonating with you is completely true the other way. I always felt we were tuned in to the same muses.

So when I had to choose an artist for the Covers Challenge, you were the first person I thought of. Of the 47,000 or so songs posted on this site, this was the one I felt the deepest empathy with.

I'm still reeling at the power this song has. It's truly an extraordinary piece of work. I know it's not possible to be objective about your own work, so take it from me, this is something immeasurably special. All your songs are wonderful without exception, but this one ... ah, I dunno. It speaks to me on a level that transcends words, so no point trying to describe it.

I love you too and I thank you for this song and for being you.
Check out my latest song called Amongst The Colours (w/ Luna Trick)
slumbering said 3520 days ago (September 3rd, 2008)
It didn't hit me until Mark said that...
...but it's so true! :)

Happy that you stopped by again. <3
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
moorlandt said 3518 days ago (September 5th, 2008)
i feel
your soul so much. So much.
Check out my latest song called Free (remix)
LunaTrick said 3517 days ago (September 5th, 2008)
Came to this...
Through Rebsie's brilliant remake - which is a beautiful compliment to the original. Lovely song!
Check out my latest song called Luna Gypsy Heart II (Eternal Firelight)
Alannah said 3517 days ago (September 5th, 2008)
Beautiful .....
.. just beautiful .. I just listened to the Rebsie cover ... and I gotta say I LUV both versions equally .... such a powerful haunting tune ! on a personal note .. the "derealization/panic attack thing" ... I used to suffer from them horribly when I was younger .... these things tend to mellow out for a lot of people as they age ... (good news or bad news?) ..... this too shall pass.
Check out my latest song called Sleep (w JScott and Alannah)
Scott Carmichael said 3429 days ago (December 3rd, 2008)
I remember you
you fell below my radar... my loss... I absolutely love your work.... significant is an understatement... I don't know what to hope for on your behalf... I would see you be whole, healthy and free from this darkness... I know that "dormant" means it's lurking near the door.. On the other hand... there is a depth and comprehensiveness that is brought to your work as a result... I am reminded of Van Gogh, Poe, Anne Sexton... you get the idea... and the price that they paid for what they brought to us seem too much to ask... but the way that you capture and illuminate your suffering surely speaks to those who share in it...

I remember clearly... in my darkness being so sure that no one would ever understand or could possibly know what I went through... but we all share these burdens... being able to peal back layers of that complex onion... brings you a unique audience...

Ok I'm rambling...

how about this... I find your work to be stunning!

sincerely Scott
Check out my latest song called Dogwood
ramonaji said 3254 days ago (May 26th, 2009)
brilliant
brilliant.

your experience... sounds frightening. I have experienced a moment or two like that from time to time. : )

Your song is fantastic.
Check out my latest song called Say Bye Bye
Artist Info
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Name: slumbering
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I love music and i love doing creative things. I just need to express myself in some way or other, i don't know why. Sometimes i want to be heard, other times i would like to completely disappear. : ( Forgive me if i do something wrong, i can b... [see more]

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