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My Heart Still Beats

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For the latest version see: My Heart Still Beats (w/ THoddi, etc.)

This is the first redo, after responding to comments. But it doesn't include Thoddi's bass, plus more sax and flute and keyboards that exist in the above version.

This song is a collage of music that tries to tell the story of the rape of a very close friend while she was visiting St. Martin, an island in the Caribbean. It tries to capture her journey, her courage. It is a mixture of hip, scary, inspiring and haunting...

I created loops using sounds and percussion and effects with intense processing, then incorporated these loops into the mix.
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Let the sun shine out from your eyes
while the moon is on your skin.

What did you father say?
What did your father say about this?

Island party. Island party. Island party. Island party, yeah.

Barefoot, dancing 'round the world, you're...
Barefoot, dancing all night long.

What did you father say
about parties, drinks, and men like this?
What did your father say about you?

The sun is still in your eyes.
The moon is on your skin.
The sun it still in your eyes but the moon
is on your skin.

You came to lose your count of days,
your count of fears,
your count of nights.
But now you've lost your count of drinks,
your count of boys,
your count of blurring lights.

Let's get lost in the jungle, find a place to just unwind.
Let the rules unravel. You came here to travel
so let's go see what there's to find.

What did you father say?

You say you remember the stars.
You say you remember the mud that stained your hands.
You say you remember your heart,
the sound of your pulse as it kept you alive.
Kept you alive.

Forget all the hands that held you down.
Forget all the scars that tie you to the ground.

I know my heart still beats.
Song Stats
Hits: 7987
Comments: 21
Fans: 5
Plays: 493
Downloads: 192
Votes: 34
Uploaded: Feb 16, 2004 - 10:31:00 AM
Last Updated: Jun 26, 2006 - 06:44:05 AM Last Played: May 01, 2019 - 12:26:00 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:

Creative Commons

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G4; EV 757; MOTU 2408; Roland a90ex; female spoken voice by Suzanne.
GB; Sound Effects Library; Ilio AXE percussion; Live 3.0.; Peak 4.
Momotamus said 5666 days ago (February 16th, 2004)
This Raises the Bar
This is the best I've heard on this site so far. It rises to the highest calling a
piece of music can strive for: to move the listener, change the listener, heal
the listener. Well done!

The U.S.A. is the only country that gets outraged when a little sex interferes with it's violence. Example: 2004 Super Bowl. Demonize sex, glorify violence? We
Check out my latest song called Like A Wink
s0mmeil said 5666 days ago (February 16th, 2004)
being honest...
I'd have to say that I'm a little conflicted. Lyrically, I'm a lost. The description
says it's about a rape victim, but I'm getting a party-girl-playing-with-fire
kind of vibe, and the character of the music even reflects that. While I know
you don't have to write a solemn ballad to tell this kind of story (i.e. Toad the
Wet Sprokets "Hold Her Down"), you don't seem to convey the message in the
lyrics. It feels like the story is being told by a person who either saw what
happened or was told what happened after the fact, with a taste of "you
should have known better, but it will be alright" kind of mentality.

I like the feeling of "third act." The beat and the melody really work together.
Like I'm unwillingly slipping away from where I'm standing. The scripture
reading is too loud and the voice is distracting in this context, however.
Maybe if she were speaking it under her breath?

Lastly, the harmonies in the first half of the song don't fit well with me. Too
much in the zone of Happy Adult Contemporary. The rhythm of these drums
calls for less polish. Even the dissonance that exists sounds clean. Very "oil
and water."

If none of that makes sense, ignore it (or if you want me to expound feel free
to email me). I think what I'm trying to say is that it's a good song that's
searching for more identity. I won't give it a rating just yet. Need to let it
stew just a bit more.

iChat - s0mmeil (the "0" is a zero)
Check out my latest song called acoustic #1
TobinMueller said 5666 days ago (February 16th, 2004)
being honest...
A reply to "being honest" critique: This song is of an actual event, and, yes,
she was being a "party girl" that evening, but not at all with sex (and
certainly not violence) as her intention, just dancing, drinking and fun. She
was obducted from a beach party by 4 men, raped and beaten and knifed and
left for dead, in the rain. She was in the country as a Peace Corp volunteer.
And, yes, I as the composer/lyricst know this backstory and chose to not tell
you, the listener, everything. I hoped that you are able to piece together
things, perhaps making it more universal in the process. The lyric content is
meant to be like an Impressionist painting, a set of memories that interplay,
like the event is for here, now, in her memory. When I played it for the
person it was written, she thought it was perfect. As for the woman's spoken
voice, I tried to get it softer, but then the words were not intelligible. I regret
that. I still have trouble getting GB's reverb to be both precise and expansive.
There is a lot going on right there in the music. But her prayer is meant to
drown out reality, at that point, and so erring on the side of volume seemed

Hope this helps explain things.

ArtsForge founder
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
s0mmeil said 5665 days ago (February 17th, 2004)
being honest...
First I want to apologize if I have offended you (or anyone else). I was ony
trying to give my point of view and how the song spoke to me. As far as the
lyrics go, my point is that I wasn't moved in the direction that I thought I
would be, especially after reading the lyrics at the linked page. To me, it
sounds like she went there on a mission but then let her social life get in the
way, in effect digging her own hole ("What did your father say..., "But now
you've lost your count of drinks...count of boys...", etc.). Which I understand
is not your intention, but only because you've told me specifically as much. I
think the song should speak for itself. You don't have to give any details
exactly, but I do think that you could be more expressive.

I like the song, I really do. I just think it could be more.

iChat - s0mmeil (the "0" is a zero)
Check out my latest song called acoustic #1
jcroft said 5666 days ago (February 16th, 2004)
This Raises the Bar
I'm a composer/arranger/producer, and NOT a vocalist or lyric writer.
Therefore, I don't feel compelled to comment on the lyrics and/or subject
matter. I just wanted to say that I think musically, this piece is great. Very
unique, great "island" feel, and shows a lot of inventiveness (with
GarageBand?) that I don't see on a lot of the tracks here.

Great work!
Check out my latest song called Deee-Jay
cisneros2 said 5666 days ago (February 16th, 2004)
yes.... yes it does
well, there is apparently no end to the string of "9's" coming out of this Tobin
fella. I'd say composition alone warrants high marks. The David Bowie-ness in
the vocals peeks back through on this one. Pretty heavy subject matter, which
is usually (for me) hard to translate to lyrics without coming across sounding
contrived... I think you pull it off nicely.

Well done again!

Suzanne said 5666 days ago (February 16th, 2004)
As a woman, this is amazing. Thank you for capturing something really difficult with such a gracious hand.
Check out my latest song called Rock The Baby With Voodoo (w/Tobin)
ka-klick said 5666 days ago (February 17th, 2004)
Very nice again.
Most of the other comments seem to cover the bases
nicely. Definitely not an easy subject for anyone to handle
well and this is done nicely here.

Beauty should be edible, or not at all.
-- Dali
Check out my latest song called Big Bad World - Live 1-16-2009 plus - MJRF
Jugglin said 5655 days ago (February 27th, 2004)
Good Job
I liked this with one exception, the vocals don't blend with the track. A little compession and deesser, and about a 5% delay would do the trick.
Will Schwark said 5636 days ago (March 17th, 2004)
Very intense
I like it, and I would also like to say I love the artwork you
post with your songs, who's the artist?---"Yeah, I slept like a rock that hasn't slept in a long time............."
Check out my latest song called Voodoo Juice
TobinMueller said 5622 days ago (March 31st, 2004)
Very intense
I added a citation for the artist on all my submissions. Thanks for the
question. This one is by a relatively young artist out of Russia, Vladimir Kush,
an excellent neo-surrealist.
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
TobinMueller said 5622 days ago (March 31st, 2004)
Very intense
You can view more of Kush's art on my art site:
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
TobinMueller said 5604 days ago (April 18th, 2004)
Very intense
Vladimir has his own art website now: http://www.vladimirkush.com/
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
Anonymous said 5610 days ago (April 12th, 2004)
Wow! Ambitious!
Simply from the scope of your composition, this is an
ambitious undertaking. And you pull it off. I don't know if
I "like" it, in the sense of it being something I purely enjoy.
But obviously, that's not what it's about. Once again, I see
how someone like you, Tobin, as a very accomplished
writer, player, arranger, can raise the bar and encourage
others to raise the bar for themselves as well.
thetiler said 5290 days ago (February 27th, 2005)
What a depth at the end
I am blown away by the depth at the end.

You really try to capture the feelings and environment of
the situation and do justice with it. That is brilliant, and as
a musician - composer (at least I try to be). Those are
great to hear, feel, see etc.

I like how in your music you like to gravitate towards a
pleasant sound at the end of your troubled tunes.

Thanks for sharing
Check out my latest song called They Went Underground
TobinMueller said 5289 days ago (February 28th, 2005)
What a depth at the end
Thanks again for your careful listen. I have to thank the person who this
song is about regarding the peaceful ending, the sense of gravitating to a
sweeter sound in the end. I am trying to capture the actual progression of
thought and feelings inside her which, indeed, found a place of peace to both
survive and to later flourish.
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
EdensEve said 5285 days ago (March 4th, 2005)
Creepy and moving.
Creepy and moving. Hard to do both.
EdensEve said 5242 days ago (April 16th, 2005)
Creepy and moving.
But you succeeded. Just listened to this again. Astounding storytelling in an
impressionistic way. You do such hard things so effortlessly, infusing so
much emotion in your writing, sounds, singing, playing...
FEEL said 5110 days ago (August 25th, 2005)
Has that school sound of the Samba Escola's, a little more
violent though. Very violent...
Check out my latest song called A Second Life with Scott Carmicheal
slumbering said 4558 days ago (February 28th, 2007)
Wow, this is chilling!
This just sends chills through me and yet there's beauty in it. Wow. I don't know what else to say...

Great work you've done here.
Check out my latest song called Over the Sea
TobinMueller said 4557 days ago (March 1st, 2007)
Latest version
Thank you very much for the listen and comment. Also, please listen to my updated latest version here:

Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
Artist Info
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Name: Tobin Mueller
Location: Rowayton CT USA
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I am a professional musician, composer, playwright and director. I've led a charmed life. I'm married to fellow MJer Suzanne and MJer Twonicus is my son, who currently sings and writes for rock bands in the NYC, D.C. and Cleveland areas. My second s... [see more]

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